My journey to competition

The road to competition

It's been 15 weeks since I set out on my journey to compete in my first ever fitness model competition. Tomorrow I step on the stage for the second time in two weeks and right now I can't describe how I think I'll feel at that moment because so many emotions are running through me. 

Some of you know me or have read my blog and know my journey into the fitness industry but today I thought I'd share with you a part of my journey to stage, something personal. 

Last year I suffered through a lot of personal issues, due to fault and mistakes of my own which I openly admit I had relationships in my life fall apart that I never thought would and despite several efforts to rebuild the damage caused it just did not happen. This affected me greatly in terms of my own levels of self esteem and self confidence, something that was extremely hard for me as in the past 3 years of being a Personal Trainer I feel that I have built those qualities up to a great extent. Not that I let it show of course but I felt my passion and drive for my job, my clients and my own health/fitness and life in general were slowly slipping. In fact I would admit now, that despite what people may have seen on the front, I was at a pretty down point in my life.

Those who have read about my journey into the fitness industry (first blog) know that I used to struggle a lot with my weight and I was a MASSIVE self doubter. I failed for years at maintaining a healthy weight or lifestyle because I never "truly believed" I could do it and as I am always saying to my clients you have to get it right and change mentally before the physical changes can follow. It was only when I finally took the plunge to do my personal training course and say to myself "you CAN be a personal trainer and a damn good one" that I actually did it and now 3 years later I'm running my own business and loving it.

Anyway sidetracked sorry lol I tend to do that. I have always considered competing but again it was something that I always questioned "could I really do that?" "Could I get 'lean' enough to get up on stage confidently in a tiny bikini" and for so long my mind told me flat out NO. 

But at the end of last year after months of feeling down about myself and my life I decided I had two choices, to GIVE up and to let the borderline depression I was feeling consume me completely or to GET up and start finding my passion, drive again and self worth again. Deep down though, it was a no brainer- I wasn't giving up, that's not who I am or who I ever want to be.

So I took the plunge and did a few things I had considered for ages but was doubtful about. I enrolled in a Bachelor of Nutrition at Uni and I set out to find the person who was going to coach me onto stage. I was finally feeling determined again and knew that 2014 was going to be the year I achieved everything I set out to, no matter what.

I came across my coach Ingrid Barclay at Body Conquest through a fitness model and industry advocate I have admired for years. Ingrid was lovely and together we devised a plan for my journey to begin in January. 

My journey to competition (as I'm sure anyone who has competed will agree) has been filled with many ups and downs. As well as training up to 7x a week at times and constant food prepping (it really never ends) I was also working, constantly taking on new clients and starting most days at 5am not finishing till 7, attending uni and travelling 2 days a week and spending any moment not working, training or physically at uni,  studying and trying to keep up with the workload. 

If I'm honest there have been many weeks where I have wanted to give up, where I have been so tired physically and mentally and just fallen apart at the seams. However as cliche as it sounds, each time I felt like giving up I remembered why I started. I remembered and I told myself "you wanted this, you CAN do this and you WILL do this." Failure was NOT an option. 

The last few weeks of prep are especially draining mentally,emotionally and physically. I have gone from being completely happy one minute to feeling like absolute crap the next and it's frustrating because you really aren't in control of how you are going to feel each day. It's a massive mental game and you honestly have to just get up and roll with it and do your best, which is what I've done or tried to do (hopefully my clients feel the same lol I do apologise for any "hangry" or space cadet moments).

To get up on stage is a completely daunting thing for anyone but especially for someone who has struggled with weight at any point in there life because you always carry that small part of you around. You want to look your best and there are weeks leading up to comp where you will be retaining extra fluid or feeling like there is no way you can stand up there in front of all those people in a tiny bikini (seriously they are really that small). 

Another thing people may not tell you or realise is that prepping for a competition can be a pretty lonely journey. While you have friends and family around you who you know support you, it's hard for them to fully understand what you may be going through on this roller coaster ride or even why you are going through it. I'm lucky to have a great family and some really good friends who have been there along the way but you really have to be committed in doing it for you and sticking to that no matter what. I am really lucky also to have a team at Body Conquest some of whom I have formed great friendships with and it is great to have like minded people who have experienced the same things to talk/vent to. 

I have to say after getting on stage last weekend every single minute of the hard work is worth it and it was so lovely to be able to revel in it and also have the support of some great friends there to watch and to see my hard work unfold on the stage.

This week has been really tough as back to back depletes are extremely draining not only physically trying to train but also mentally and emotionally. I have had moments right up until yesterday where I have just been completely OVER IT but I know that again when I get on stage tomorrow it will be worth it, every single second. And who knows how I will feel? happy, tired, elated, sad, exhausted, excited, or maybe every single one of those all at once lol I'm not sure. What I do know and what I wanted to finish on is this:

Those who know me well know I like to practice what I preach. And what I preach is a healthy lifestyle, goal setting, commitment, consistency hard work, accountability and dedication. 

Last year when I was going through a hard time I was still practicing these things but I was doing it without the passion or drive and I needed to change that.  My decision to compete was one I made for myself and myself alone, it was a new and much needed challenge, a complete step out of my comfort zone (which I had become way too comfortable in) and a chance to start practicing all of the above things. Do I care if people never fully understand that? Not rly. Do I care if people praise my actions or results? While It's lovely to hear praise my answer is again, not rly. Why?? Because at the end of the day I did this for me and no one else. Don't get me wrong, the support and kind words people share are so lovely and so very much welcome and appreciated 😘 😘 but none of it should ever nor will ever compare with the SELF satisfaction, worth and strength this journey has given me. 

Knowing within myself that I set a goal, a challenge, I worked through massive physical and mental challenges each week, and from them I have grown stronger.

Knowing I stayed committed, focused and that despite anything that may have been against me (and believe me there were many barriers), I never gave up gives me much more satisfaction then anything else.

 I set out on this journey to achieve something for myself and to regain my passion, drive and self belief/worth again and I think I have done that, growing, learning and changing on the way. 

I truly believe people should be more inclined to seek SELF respect and not attention because at the end of the day it will last much longer 😉❤️👊💪

I do plan on continuing this journey in another season towards the second half of this year and hope to do some more writing about it as writing is another passion of mine and it's taken me about a year to be able to find that again. 

Thankyou for taking the time to read this, all comments are always welcomed 😘😘😘